Gaara's Survey
by Hakoro
Summary: Naruto sends Gaara an email that contains a survey. Trust me, this is funny.


**Hey guys! I got another fanfic! **

**This fic was made by Tsukiko.**

**Hakoro-and-Tsukiko101225 does not own Naruto or the characters.  
**

Wanna know what really happened during the 2 year time-skip? Well, I don't know what happened to those other people, but Gaara was checkin' his e-mail. He expected it all to be junk mail but surprisingly he received an e-mail from Naruto. I mean seriously, with a screenname like you could only guess who it is.

Gaara thought, '_He probably sent me a random message out of boredom. Wait a minute. How in the hell did Naruto get my email address?' _When he clicked on it, what do ya know? The title was Boredom Survey. To be honest, Gaara really didn't have anything better to do. He figured he might as well take the survey and kill a few hours.

* * *

_**  
The Boredom Survey: May all your time be wasted.**_

**Let's start with favorites.**

**Favorite color?**

Black and red. (Call me emo and I'll kill you.)

**Favorite show?**

Spongebob. Sure he's a gay sponge but you learn to love him.

**Favorite character from a show? Why? (It could be any show.)**

Kenny from South Park. It's funny seeing him die constantly.

**Favorite****animal?**

I don't really have one, but if I had to choose, I'd say a snake.

**Favorite food?**

I barely eat so I don't know.

**Favorite band?**

Don't have a favorite of that, either. Wait. Scratch that. KoRn is cool, I guess.

**Favorite anime?**

Bleach. What, you were expecting me to say Naruto? Hell no.

**Favorite parent?**

……………

**Enough of favorites. This section is called 'Which is Worse?' **

**Which is worse?: Freezing to death or burning to death?**

Burning to death. Freezing to death will hurt less………right?

**Eating a family member or a family member eating you?**

Eating a family member. If I ever ate my dad or my brother and sister, I'd probably get a deadly disease or something like that.

**Licking 500 payphones or Bush taking over the world?**

Licking 500 payphones. Usually, I'm not the one to care about hygiene much, but seriously, that's just unsanitary. Besides, Bush can go to Hell for all I care.

**Having your finger smashed in a car door or a car run over your foot?**

Well, it really all depends on how fast the car is going. But hey, who said surveys had to be consistent?

**Getting chased by a shark or alligator?**

I'd say a shark. See, with an alligator, it's possible to escape. But with a shark, it really doesn't matter how fast you can swim, they'd still catch you.

**Your mom acting like Britney Spears or your dad acting like Eminem?**

……Well I never even met my mom so I'm gonna have to go with the second one. I mean, really. The Kazekage acting like Eminem? Perish the thought.

**Narcolepsy or insomnia?**

Oh, don't even get me started on insomnia, man.

**Having all your fingernails and toenails pulled off or having every hair on your body plucked one by one?**

What's with all the painful questions? This is a really hard decision but I'm gonna go with the nail thing. It'll hurt worse than the hair being plucked.

**Choosing 'truth' or 'dare'?**

A lot of people disagree on this but I say choosing 'truth' is worse. Confessions aren't as easy as you think they are.

**Grating the bottom of your foot with a cheese grater or peeling your whole arm with a potato peeler?**

………………Ouch. That's all I can say.

**Deafening noise for an eternity or complete silence for an eternity?**

That's easy. Deafening noise. I'd much rather prefer silence.

**Missing the end of a really good movie or missing the beginning of a confusing movie?**

Well, both would surely piss me off but I'd say neither. You could always get it on DVD.

**Having to swallow a mouthful of sand or being force-fed a cockroach?**

Both are equally horrible. But I'm gonna go with a mouthful of sand. At least a cockroach is edible. (Gotta love that extra protein.)

**Discovering your allergic to sweet foods or discovering your allergic to the opposite sex?**

The second one. Not that I even care about girls, it's just that it seems impossible to live on this Earth if you're gonna be allergic to something there's billions of.

**Last one: A friend who's a know-it-all or a friend who doesn't know anything?**

Know-it-alls. I'd kill them after maybe a week. But with friends who don't know anything, you could always teach them what not to do so you could never get annoyed. I know it's not necessarily true, that's just how I see it.

* * *

**_Short break! _What would you like to say to the person who sent you this survey?**

Naruto, do me a favor. Try as hard as you can to forget my e-mail address. How you even got it is a complete mystery. It's almost scary…….even for me.

* * *

**Almost done! In this part of the survey, we're going to give you questions and we want you to answer them as best as you can.**

**First question: Why do they put holes in crackers?**

Yeah, I've always wondered about that. But we still eat them, so it isn't really our place to question.

**If you're in Hell, and you're pissed at someone, where do you tell them to go?**

If someone said 'Heaven' to this question, I'd slap them.

**If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out of their nose?**

You know what's scary? That almost made me laugh.

**Why do people use the expression 'hear yourself think'?**

Good question. Unfortunately, I don't have a good answer.

**Why do we assume Humpty Dumpty was an egg? (In the rhyme, it never says he was.)**

That's true. I never thought of that. I should start thinking about this type of stuff more. On second thought, I'm too lazy to.

**Isn't it disturbing how the word therapists are 'the' and 'rapists' put together?**

……….That is kinda unnerving.

**Suppose the weather man says it's gonna be a 50 chance of rain. Won't that simply imply that he has no idea if it'll rain or not? (Think about it.)**

………Yeah, I see what you're saying. Note to self: Never trust weathermen.

**If your last name was Crunch, and if you eventually join the army, would your name be Captain** **Crunch? Lol**

Probably. I don't even like the cereal. It cuts the roof of your mouth.

**Why are people allowed to sculpt naked statues, yet we can't run around naked?**

In case you haven't noticed, artistic abilities and streaking are two entirely different things.

**How come when something says 'Do not eat', we're tempted to eat it?**

Trust me. You don't even wanna know how many times I've tried to eat Play-Doh when I was younger.

**Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on an envelope taste like chocolate?**

Hell no. Because then people will eventually try to eat it like the retards they are.

**Last question: Who _was_ in the kitchen with Dina?**

Yo momma

* * *

**This is the last part of the survey. We'd like you to read this story and tell us what you think. WARNING: This short story is so sweet, you'll get a cavity.**

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. "You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful." The boy looked up, "Really?" "Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles." The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."

I guess I'll admit it was pretty nice. But hey, if you ever want to read a tragic story, you should read the story from Funny Junk. It's called "This Will Make You Cry" or something like that. I actually thought it was pretty funny, me being the cruel person I am.

**Well, congratulations. You've reached the end of the _Boredom Survey._ Make sure to send this to others and have a nice day.**

* * *

Gaara looked at his clock. Only 2 hours have passed. _'Only 2 hours? Oh well. Speaking of Funny Junk, maybe I'll send Naruto that thing where the Exorcist pops up at the end. That scared the shit out of  
me. And that's weird 'cause I rarely ever get scared.'_

**Lol. Gaara's so evil. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it. No, there will be no sequels. Mwahaha. Anyway, can I at least get 3 reviews on this by the end of the week? Thank you.**


End file.
